Monday, 11 March 2013

When Our Chromebooks Dissapeared

This is my edited version.

Dddddddding... “The bell went guys lets go to class Louis told Stevenson and Collin”. So off they raced to class excited to play on their chromebooks.

After catching their breath they went and waited in line for their new devices. While they were waiting to get their chromebooks it wasn’t there. “ This is very strange. What a mystery?” They said to each other.  “ I wonder where our chromebooks are.” They all thought in their mind.

Suddenly somebody farted.“ Fart.” “ Eww!” the entire class yelled. “ Guys did you see that? There’s an invisible cyclone.” Stevenson told Collin and Louis “ No we didn’t Stevenson.” Louis and Collin replied.” “Somebody fart again.” Cried out Stevenson. “ fart.” “ Guys can you see it now. Look! Look!” So they looked. “ Ahh. Now we can see it.” they replied back. “ We should follow it.”

While they were following it,  it led them to Omaru Creek. Then the invisible cyclone
dissolved into thin air. “ Come on guys we can do this only one more big burp.” So they all got ready. “ On the count of three one, two, three.” “ BURP!” Then the cyclone appeared at the bridge.

“ I hope our netbooks are there.” They prayed to Jesus. Guess what was on the bridge our chromebooks. “Hooray.” They all cheered. “ Finally we found our missing chromebooks.”

The moral of the story is if  your things start disappearing theres always a solution to find them.


  1. I am really happy to see you using such nice language features, a variety of sentence types and beginnings Stevenson. Could you post your original version so that we can see how well you edited it.

  2. I forgot to say a picture always help make your writing more attractive to visitors of your blog.