Saturday 28 February 2015

Recount (Writing Test) Original And Edited Versions

EDITED VERSION:

The clock struck 10p.m on the 31st of December 2014. I was playing a game of Black Ops 2 with my older cousin Kingston at my uncle’s house in Panmure. I thought it would be like every other new years party we’ve had... boring, stink and possibly a headache because of all the horrific laughing. But turned out it wasn’t because this is the first year I could hear blasting loud music coming from the T.V speakers in the living room. My older cousin and I could hear screams of joy so we ran to the lounge to see what was going on. To our surprise the adults were gathered around the T.V screaming out the lyrics to the song All About That Bass while my younger cousins danced. Song after song I started getting hungry so I walked to the kitchen bench to see what was there to eat.

“Mmmmm delicious!” I stared as a big block of chocolate sat there lonely. But then as soon as I picked it up it was just a wrapper with nothing inside. I realised I was hallucinating. I shrug my shoulders and go to the table across from the kitchen to see if there is anything to eat or drink there. This time I didn’t imagine things because I had drank half a bottle of raspberry and gobbled a quarter of ready salted chips.

Feeling wrecked I looked down at my watch and the time read 11:45. “15 minutes to go!” I shout out to my family, making sure they hear me. Waiting as the minutes go by it’s 11:59 one more minute until New Years Day. I go back to the sitting room and tell my uncle to turn off the music cause the countdowns coming soon. As he grabs the xbox controller he exits the song picking another one but pausing just before it starts. My uncle then goes to his computer and clicks on the MAI FM link to listen to the countdown live. My uncle then counts down.....“10! 9! 8!,” Everyone joins in and were up to 5. “5! 4! 3! 2! 1! HAPPY NEW YEARS!!” Everyone screams!

After one huge CHEE HOO! Everyone started saying, “Happy new year!”. I went to my mum first and gave her a big hug and smooch on the cheek and said, “HAPPY NEW YEAR!” She replied back with, “I LOVE YOU!!” I started laughing and crying tears of joy. To make a long story short, after I greeted everyone with a happy new year my mum and I drove home.

I reckon News Years Eve and Day are the best days ever because you get to gather with your family and celebrate. It’s probably not better than your birthday if you’re a really spoilt kid like my friend Chris...Hehehehe!

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ORIGINAL VERSION:

The clock had just struct 10:00p.m on 31st of December 2014 on New Years Day when I was playing a game of Black Ops 2 with my older cousin Kingston at my uncles house in Panmure. I thought it would be like every other new years party we’ve had... boring, tiring, sleepy and maybe making me catch a headache because of all the laughing. But turned out it wasn’t because this is the first year I could hear blasting loud music coming from the T.V in the living room playing All About That Bass by Meghan Trainor. Me and my older cousin could hear screams of joy so we ran to the living room to see what was going on and to our surprise the adults were gathered around the T.V screaming out the lyrics to the song while my cousins danced. Song after song I started getting hungry so I walked to the kitchen bench to see what was there to eat.

“Mmmmm delicious!” I stared as a big block of chocolate sitting there lonely. But then as soon as I pick it up its just a wrapper with nothing inside I realised I was hallucinating. I shrug my shoulders  and go to the table across from the kitchen to see if there is anything to eat or drink there. This time I didn’t hallucinate because I had already drank half a bottle of raspberry and a quarter of ready salted chips. Feeling wrecked I looked down at my watch and the time said 11:45. “15 minutes to go!” I shout out to the sitting room making sure they hear me. Waiting as the minutes go by it’s 11:59 one more minute till its New Years.

I go back to the sitting room and tell my uncle to turn off the music cause the countdowns coming soon. Grabbing the controller he exits the song picking another one but pausing just before it starts. My uncle then goes to his computer and clicks on the MAI FM to listen to there countdown live. He tells them to quiet down so he can hear them talking. My uncle then counts down, “10! 9! 8!,” Everyone joins in and were up to 5. “5! 4! 3! 2! 1! HAPPY NEW YEARS!!” Everyone screams and my uncle plays the song. Then everyone just went around saying happy new year to everyone. I went to my mum first and gave her a big hug and smooch on the cheek and said, “HAPPY NEW YEAR!” She replied back with, “I LOVE YOU!!” I started laughing and crying tears of joy. After greeting everyone with a happy new year my mum and I drove home.

I reckon News Years Day and Eve is the best day ever because you get to gather with your family. Its probably not better than your birthday if you’re a really spoilt kid. Hehehehe!

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